Why Pray?
March 14, 2004
I want to share a few personal stories about why I pray. Where it’s taken me. Why I think the struggle is worth it.
I pray every day as I ride around alone in my car in between visits, meetings, errands. It’s sort of my version of the Rosary. I simply pray your names. As I feel the finger grips under my steering wheel, I call your names. Every single time. And, most times, it’s only your names I speak. But, sometimes I become aware of a “to do” list item connected to one of you. And often, if I follow up on that “to do” that emerged…it leads me someplace completely unexpected. It is from this seemingly insignificant practice that I’ve already found myself dialing one of your numbers, or doing a famous Tucson U Turn. As I’ve said these prayers, you sometimes call me then, or I call you and you’ve been thinking of me or I’m arriving just in time to find out something that’s happening in your lives. Some people say, this is chance. But, I can tell you, the chance sure seems to increase when I’m praying.
The longest prayer I’ve had running in my life was for each of you. I began praying for the congregation that I would serve 18 years ago. I’ve imagined you. I’ve cried out to you. I’ve screamed out of impatience, why aren’t you ready! It’s not that much time, 18 years…but it’s a long prayer. It ebbs and flows like the tide, never coming and going quite the same. And, as I prayed I began to notice it wasn’t about the tide, but the small grains of sand that were being changed beneath the tide…the wearing away of rock, the smoothing of glass and stone. It was this dialogue that was transforming the being of me. It was this calling, this stretching, this ministry of preparation for all that was to come. I believe this training, this meditation of preparation will undergird our work together. I believe no matter what lies ahead, it is true, we belong here together.
A young couple was expecting their first child. From the first visit and ultrasound, the doctors were clear…this pregnancy should not happen. The fetus had severe birth defects and would not make it to term. Science reported that carrying this baby would result in the death of the child. And, trying to carry and deliver this baby could also result in the death of the mother. This young couple began to pray for a miracle. This was their first child. They were good church people. They believed in God. They believed in miracles. They believed this child would live. The couple ignored the advice of the doctors.
I met them while working as a hospital chaplain. I was paged to Labor and Delivery as the labor commenced. The mother and child had made it 29 weeks and labor began. Their entire community of faith was gathered. People lined the hallways. I would guess at least 75 people were there including children of all ages. As I arrived on the unit I could feel the tension. It felt as if no one was breathing. It seemed the small toddlers playing on the floor were about to crack the air with their young voices. You could sense something was wrong. And, as the baby came into this world the doctor was absolutely correct. Science stood firm. The child was severely deformed, misshapen, with the bluest of eyes, ten fingers and toes, breathing but dying. And, as Mom and Dad gently hugged and kissed him, they handed him to me. Will you baptize him Chaplain? And we said the words together…The family all gathered there…In the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit we baptize this child into the family of faith. Let us pray. These people prayed for a miracle. Judging by the number of people smashed into the birthing suite and lining the hall, many people had prayed for this child. They were expecting a miracle. They did not get a miracle. And yet, they still prayed. The moment we finished the tension had gone. I handed Joshua back to his parents. They studied him. They then allowed every person to hold him and speak to him. It was unbelievable to me. This young couple. Their first child. They prayed for a miracle. They didn’t get one. Their child was alive for a limited number of moments…and they allowed all to have time with him. I would have wanted to shut the door. I would have wanted to hold him myself for every minute. But, not this couple that prayed. Not this community that prayed. That baby made it around the room. That baby breathed through baptism. That baby had moments alone with his parents. And, as that baby died in their arms, that community prayed for the couple’s strength, their continued lives, their grief, their loss, their connection to death. The transformative moments in that room, I will never forget. You could feel the Spirit. You could feel the change in people. You could see the impact upon every person who gathered. I pray, hoping to someday have the depth of faith of this small community of prayers. I pray to someday be so deeply transformed allowing all to be part of my journey. I pray to someday be able to let go with reckless abandon so many things I do not understand.
Prayer helps me every day. Prayer is my center in crisis. Prayer is a battle that stretches me when I don’t think I could possibly stretch. Prayer has transformed my life, changed my path, and allowed me to be present beyond my wildest imagination. Prayer brings me hope through the radiant love of God that lights my soul each time we meet. It is contagious. It revitalizes my faith in new and different ways every time. If you don’t pray and have never prayed, if you haven’t prayed in awhile, if you pray regularly, I challenge you to take the next step. Whatever that means for you. If you have never prayed in this fashion, you may need to cross the threshold by saying: “God, I’m searching for You.” “God, make me know you’re here.” “God, help me to pray.” “God, source of all love in me, I love you. I’m trying to love you.” The words need not be beautiful, or long, or traditional. They should express what you feel. God will respond in God’s own unmistakable way. Having established contact with God, realizing that God is the source of love, other unexpected things may happen. We may suddenly find that certain aspects of life which baffle us – such as pain, sorrow, sickness, death – may have a meaning after all.
You, too can find a place of silent power. You can learn to see God in everything, to listen for God’s silent language in your life. You can climb to a hilltop and catch a little more of the sun, a little more color. There you will catch the wind. The wind grows more noticeable as you grow older. It picks up speed where it didn’t exist a moment before and blows in such spontaneous ways – sometimes a gale, sometimes a gust, sometimes a caress, sometimes an almost silent breath. Here on the wings of the wind God rides into your life, whispering God’s presence, catching your attention. God brings to mind other relationships that exist right now, because relationship on earth remains after the body is gone, even as the glow remains in the sky after the sun goes down. This silent language of love, this voice in the wind, the undying presence is the unending gift of God that permeates earth and outlasts time. This language of love never dies.
Let us pray. God we are searching for you. Make us know you’re here. Help us to pray. Help us to listen to you. Help us to love you. Amen.